One Apple A Day: Healthy Life

Are you a little bit of worry due to your health? You are not fit? You want a sleek muscular body? but not getting these all...?
Don't You know that Doctors love Apple! This is very nice and healthy and also tasty food. You can lose much of pounds of your belly if you eat one apple a day.

There are a lot much of healthy things which proves fruitful for our body, keeps away us from the doctor, it is the healthy food and it also gives our body a sleek shape and toned body especially for females. Before this natural food, I have tried many many tricks, workouts, such as stunts, jogging, bodyweight burn plan by Ryan Murdock  and much more other supplements, but all results in harmful effects. Only one apple a day proves good for myself. You will love apple, It is not very costly food, you can easily get from food shop in some cents. So don't waste your time after today on these wasteful tricks, just try one apple, only one, per day, at morning. You will see the faster results and get body in fitness after some weeks. If You have any questions, Comment below don't feel shy while questioning.

Regards: Dr Steer

The Third Parent

A close friend of mine went overseas to study Islam, and before he left he visited a family he knew. He said that as he left, he noticed the son – who was seven years old at the time – slacked out on his stomach, chin locked in his two hands, staring deathly at the TV. When he returned after four full years, he visited the same family and found the same boy slacked out on his stomach, chin locked in his two hands, staring deathly at the TV - only now he was four years older.
This khutbah looks at the dark side of television. It is not intended to make you throw your television set off the balcony – although that would be nice. It is hoped that this khutbah will give you a better understanding of the destructive nature TV has on a person’s life, in this world and in the hereafter, not only on his own life, but also the lives of his family members.
In Qawaa’id Fiqhiyyaah there is a principle which states, "Al Waasaa’il ta’khudhu Hukm al-Ghaayaat," meaning, "The means takes the same ruling as the intention of what is trying to be attained." A television set, with its wires, screen, box, and plug is nothing more than a means. It is what is trying to be attained by that box that makes it haram or halaal. Another example is that of a gun; it can be used for noble purposes, such as defending one’s land from aggression, or it can serve as a means of considerable harm, especially when given to a child.
In an Arab ESL class, the teacher, in his opening lesson asked the students what English words were taken from the Arabic language. A few hands went up and students said things like, "Chemistry from keemiyaa," "Algebra from al-gebr," "Physics from feesiyaa," etc. Then he asked them what Arabic words were taken from the English language and answers came quickly. "Raadiyo from radio, " "Dosh from satellite dish, "and of course "Tilfaaz from television."
What did the West take from us, and what did we take from them?
With regards to television, Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Al-Fataawa [3/227]:
"…it is a dangerous device and its harmful effects are very great, like those of the cinema, or even worse. We know from the research that has been written about it and from the words of experts in Arab countries and elsewhere that it is dangerous and very harmful to Islamic beliefs (aqeedah), morals and the state of society. This is because it includes the presentation of bad morals, tempting scenes, immoral pictures, semi-nakedness, destructive speech and kufr. It encourages imitation of their conduct and ways of dressing, respect for their leaders, neglect of Islamic conduct and ways of dressing, and looking down on the scholars and heroes of Islam by portraying them in an off-putting manner that makes people despise them and ignore them. It shows people how to cheat, steal, hatch plots and commit acts of violence against others."
He continued, "Without doubt, anything that produces so many bad results should be stopped and shunned, and we have to close all the doors that could lead to it. If some of our brothers denounce it and speak out against it, we cannot blame them, because this is a part of sincerity towards Allah and towards other people."
In Sahih Al-Bukhari, when Guraayj was praying and his mother called him, he said to himself, "O Allah, my salah or my mother?" He did not know whether to continue his prayer or discontinue it and reply to his mother. Because he did not reply to this mother’s call, she cursed him. She said, "May you see a prostitute!" She did not say, "May there be a relationship between you and a prostitute." She just said, "May you see (one)." And her curse is one that we may inadvertently be inflicting on our children the day we sanctioned the introduction of the third parent called TV. How many times has the main theme of prime time TV revolved around prostitutes? How many times have our children witnessed it? How many times have they been cursed to be in such a situation?
Abdullah ibn 'Umar radi Allahu anhu once passed by some people killing time by playing chess. He was shocked at this and angrily said to them, quoting the verse of the Qur’an: What are these IDOLS that you are standing in vigilance over?
What would he think if he saw the television set and the welcoming hug it receives in most Muslim homes? When a Muslim nation plays in the World Cup, over three million Muslims from that one country tune in to television to watch the game. Multiply that by the duration of the match, and you have almost five million hours of the ummah’s time wasted on a football game, in one sweeping night. If Karl Marx said in 1844 that "Religion is the opium of people," then what about TV?
RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:
"The person shall be (on the day of Judgment) with those that he loves."
Tell a Muslim child that if he loves Michael Jackson so much, then on the Day of Judgment he will get to be with him. It’s sad, but most Muslim children would get happy and excited about the prospect. Isn’t that enough to strike fear into our hearts? Who are the Muslim children really going to be with on the Day of Repayment? Most of them cannot tell you the names, even just the names, of those people that we hope them to be with!
Let’s ask ourselves, if we allowed our sons or daughters to put up a poster of their hero, the one whom they think is the 'coolest,' would their hero be their father or mother? Would it be the Prophet or his companions? Or would it be a basketball player that he saw on TV? Or an actor (even a cartoon character) that he saw on TV? Or a model that she saw on TV? Or a musician that he/she saw on TV? Who would it be?
Some argue that TV time is monitored in the house by the parent. However, 95% of parents with children aged 8 and over don’t monitor the viewing material. Besides, what happens if the parent dies on the way to work one day and the children inherit the TV? RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:
"There is not a single shepherd (Ameer) that Allah entrusted with a flock – who if he dies in a state where he cheated them – Allah shall forbid him from entering paradise!" The 'ulama would quote this hadith in regard to the father in a Muslim country that would allow a satellite dish to enter into the home of his family which Allah entrusted him with.
Dear brothers and sisters, we are not here on earth to entertain ourselves to death. We are an ummah with a risaalah (message)! When Rib’ee ibn 'Aamir radi Allahu anhu stood at the hands of the king of Persia, he announced the message as proudly and as clearly as every Muslim should. "Allah sent us to rescue humanity from slavery to slaves - to the slavery of the Lord of all slaves; and to rescue them from the choke of the material life to the expanse of this life and the next, and from the corruption of the cults to the justice of Islam!"
Allah subhaanahu wa ta ‘aala states in the Qur’an:
"Verily! Hearing, sight, and the heart, all will be questioned (by Allah)." [Al-Israa 17/36]
And RasulAllah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam informed us that on the Day of Repayment, no one will move until they are asked about three things, one of which will be their youth and how they spent it.
How are we spending our time? Why do we waste it watching TV? What do our eyes see, what do our ears hear on TV and how is our heart affected by this?
If we don’t know how to recite Qur’an, why aren’t we registering for a tajweed course at a Qur’an institute? If we don’t know the language of the Qur’an and Sunnah, why aren’t we registering for an Arabic program? If we don’t know about the life of RasulAllah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and his companions radi Allahu anhum why aren’t we attending the seerah and fiqh classes in our localities?
Also, with regards to TV, we should remember that Allah tells us in the Qur’an:
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do." [An-Noor 24/30]
How do reconcile these verses with the television that assaults our eyes with haram almost every second that it is on?
Who hasn’t heard of Cupid? They portray him in cartoons and comedies as a chubby child with wings who is supposed to be the Angel of Love, shooting arrows of 'love' when the male looks at the female. Rather dear brothers and sisters, it is Iblees! For RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam told us, "Verily the ‘look’ is a poisoned arrow from the arrows of Iblees!"
Shaykh At-Tahhaan once narrated an incident to his students:
It was late at night when Shaykh At-Tahhaan’s phone rang. This Muslimah whispered into the phone, 'Is this Shaykh At-Tahhaan?'
He said, 'Yes it is me.'
She kept saying, 'Is it really you?'
And he said, 'Yes, what is wrong?'
At that she just started sobbing and sobbing into the phone. After some time, she explained, 'The children’s father bought a TV and video machine two days ago. Tonight I found my young son practicing the haram that he saw on his younger sister! ' Then she collapsed sobbing again.
Everything starts with a look. Big fires start with a little spark.

PART II: Turn Off TV, Turn On Life

After a grueling first year in the Faculty of Shari’ah at the Islamic University in Madinah, I came home to Canada where I spoke to a friend whom I hadn’t spoken to for over a year. In the conversation he said, "Last night on TV Seinfeld said... " I was puzzled and realized that for an entire year I had not heard anything other than "Imam Shaafi’ee said…" and "Imam Abu Hanifah said…" It was this ignorance that Shaykh Abdul Muhsin 'Al-Abbaad referred to when he would say "We ask Allah ta’aala to increase us in it’s ignorance."
Some people argue that TV is just a harmless avenue of entertainment and that no one should make a big deal about it. It is interesting however that we see in Shari’ah that what is more deadly than haram is bid’ah. Why you ask? Because when someone does something haram like eating pork, he knows it is haram and that one day it is hoped that knowledge will lead him to fear Allah and refrain. Bid’ah, on the other hand, is something a person does with the hope of reward from Allah, something that the person considers to be 'harmless.' It is deadlier because the chances of this person correcting the situation are less due to the ignorance which causes a lack of motivation.
Other people say that they have a TV for the news and Islamic or educational programs. But we have to honestly ask ourselves – is there no other avenue to get the news? Is there no other means by which a child can be educated and stimulated to learn?
Didn’t anyone ask why we get all this 'free' TV? What does the TV sell? No it doesn’t sell Coke or Nike or McDonalds burgers; it sells the audience, it sells you to advertising companies! Why do you think they charge $1 million for 30 seconds of advertising in a Superbowl game?

Consider these facts:

Brand loyalty starts at age 2. They can snatch a child into a lifetime of allegiance to their product from that tender age. How old were you when you started loving Coke or Pepsi?
On average, a viewer watches 20,000 commercials each year. If we repeated a page of Qur’an to you that many times, do you think you would memorize it?
This is just regarding the products. But what about the aqeedah that we are being exposed to on TV. A whole stack of beliefs gets fed to us every time our children sit to watch and listen to their third parent. Where are the horrific stats for that?
Go to a lecture where the imam is talking about women’s rights in Islam. Listen to the Muslim males and females debate with the imam. Where do they get their points? Why do they become so hostile towards anything that contradicts the western view of women’s rights? Why is there no hostility towards the western view? Most of it was learned on TV, the rest was learned in the public school curriculum.
If this is the programming, the brain washing of our youth, then how can they be reprogrammed when they prefer the TV over anyone else. It is a fact that more than half of American children would rather watch TV than spend time with their mother or father.
In a survey which asked children what the one thing is which they would sacrifice their favorite TV shows for, many replied that if there was some sort of outside activity they would give preference to that. Meaning, if someone took them by the hand and organized some after school activities, they would embrace the idea.
Here is a list of other things that you can do instead of being shackled to the TV:

• Play outdoor games and exercise outdoors or at home.
• Build extra curricular skills, such as martial arts or calligraphy or sewing.
• Visit the library.
• Take on a job, which will ensure that you become serious about life and work.
• Do acts of worship like dhikr, salah, reciting Qur’an, fasting, and reflecting on the signs of Allah and His creation.
• Adopt an Islamic cause in the place where you live, and take part in it, such as teaching Muslim girls.
• Support an Islamic magazine by writing and sending articles, statistics and useful information of interest concerning Muslims in the west.
• Take part in charitable projects to help Muslim orphans, widows, divorcees and the elderly, or join a committee to help organize social programs and celebrations for Muslims on Eid.
• Find righteous friends to meet with and good neighbors to visit.
• Read Islamic books in particular and useful stories in general.
• Take part in da’wah activities and preschool programs in Islamic centers.
• Listen to tapes and lectures, write summaries of them, and distribute the summaries to anyone who could benefit from them.
• Cook items to be sold to raise funds for the Islamic center.
• Take an interest in computers and computer programs. This is a vast field that can fill a lot of time, and the computer can be used to do a lot of good things as well as providing entertainment in the form of permissible games.

Today is the beginning of a new day. Allah gave us this day to use as we will. We can waste it or use it for something good and beneficial.
But let us know that what we do today is important because we are exchanging a day of our life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever and in its place shall be something that we left behind; let that be something good and beneficial.

Rights of Child from Parents

Allaah has given children rights over their parents just as the parents have rights over their children.
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: “Allaah has called them abraar (righteous) because they honoured (barru) their fathers and children. Just as your father has rights over you, so too your child has rights over you.
Al-Adab al-Mufrad, 94.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, according to a hadeeth narrated by ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar, “… and your child has rights over you.” Muslim, 1159.
The child’s rights over their children include some that come even before the child is born, for example:

Choosing a righteous wife to be a righteous mother

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Ghani al-Dahlawi said: Choose from among women those who are religiously committed and righteous, and who are of good descent, for if a woman is of illegitimate descent, this bad characteristic may be passed to her children. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik”
[al-Noor 24:3]
Rather Islam recommends compatibility for the purpose of harmony and to avoid a person being shamed if he marries into a family that is not compatible.
Sharh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 1/141

It is Sunnah to do tahneek for the child when he is born

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The son of Abu Talhah was sick. Abu Talhah went out and the child died, and when Abu Talhah returned he said, “What happened to my son?” Umm Sulaym (his wife) said, ‘He is quieter than he was.” Then she brought him his dinner and he ate, then he had marital relations with her, and when he finished she said, “They buried the child.” The following morning, Abu Talhah went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened. He said, “Did you have marital relations last night?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “O Allaah, bless them.” She later gave birth to a boy. Abu Talhah said to me, “Keep him until I bring him to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” He brought him to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I sent some dates with him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took him and said, “Is there anything with him?” They said, “Yes, some dates.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took some and chewed it, then he took some from his mouth and put it in the child’s mouth (tahneek), and named him ‘Abd-Allaah.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5153; Muslim, 2144
Al-Nawawi said:
The scholars are agreed that it is mustahabb to do tahneek with dates for the child when he is born; if that is not possible then to use some similar kind of sweet. The dates should be chewed until they become soft enough to be swallowed, then the child’s mouth should be opened and a little of the dates put in his mouth.
Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim, 14/122-123

The child should be given a good name, such as ‘Abd-Allaah or ‘Abd al-Rahmaan

It was narrated from Naafi’ that Ibn ‘Umar said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most beloved of your names to Allaah are ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan.”
(Narrated by Muslim, 2132)

It is mustahabb to give the child a Prophet’s name

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A child was born to me last night and I called him by the name of my father Ibraaheem.”
Narrated by Muslim, 2315
It is mustahabb to name the child on the seventh day, but there is nothing wrong with naming him on the day of his birth, because of the hadeeth quoted above.
It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every child is in pledge for his ‘aqeeqah which should be slaughtered for him on the seventh day, his head should be shaved and he should be named.
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2838; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4541
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
The purpose of naming is to define the thing named, because if there is something whose name is unknown it is difficult to refer to it. So it is permissible to name him (the child) on the day he is born, and it is permissible to delay the naming until the third day, or until the day of the ‘aqeeqah, or before or after that. The matter is broad in scope.”
Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 111

It is Sunnah to shave the child’s head on the seventh day and to give the weight of the hair in silver in charity.

It was narrated that ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) slaughtered a sheep as the ‘aqeeqah for al-Hasan, and he said, “O Faatimah, shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver in charity.” So she weighed it and its weight was a dirham or part of a dirham.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1519; classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1226.

It is mustahabb for the father to do the ‘aqeeqah, as stated in the hadeeth quoted above, “Every child is in pledge for his ‘aqeeqah.”

Two sheep should be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl.
It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded them (to sacrifice) two similar sheep for a boy and one for a girl.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1513; Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1221; Abu Dawood, 2834; al-Nasaa’i, 4212; Ibn Maajah, 3163

Circumcision

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The fitrah is five things, or five things are part of the fitrah: circumcision, shaving the pubic hairs, plucking the armpit hairs, clipping the nails and trimming the moustache.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5550; Muslim, 257

The child’s rights with regard to education and upbringing

It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The ruler who is in charge of people is a shepherd and is responsible for them. The man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for them. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and child and is responsible for them. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2416; Muslim, 1829.
So parents must take care of teaching their children the duties of Islam and other virtues that are recommended in sharee’ah, and worldly matters that they need in order to live a decent life in this world.
The man should start by teaching them the most important things, then the next most important. So he starts by teaching them correct ‘aqeedah, free from shirk and bid’ah. Then he teaches them the acts of worship, especially prayer. Then he teaches them and trains them in good manners and characteristics, and everything that is good.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And (remember) when Luqmaan said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allaah. Verily, joining others in worship with Allaah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed”
[Luqmaan 31:13]
It was narrated from ‘Abd al-Malik ibn al-Rabee’ ibn Sabrah from his father that his grandfather said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach the child to pray when he is seven years old, and smack him if he does not pray when he is ten.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 407; Abu Dawood, 494. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4025
It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word on the morning of Ashoora’ to the areas where the Ansaar lived (on the outskirts of Madeenah), saying: Whoever did not fast this morning, let him not eat for the rest of the day, and whoever started fasting this morning, let him complete his fast. She said: We used to observe this fast after that, and we used to make our children fast and make them toys of wool; if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until it was time to break the fast.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1859; Muslim, 1136
It was narrated that al-Saa’ib ibn Yazeed said: I was taken for Hajj with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when I was seven years old.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1759

Training in good manners and characteristics

Every father and mother should train their children in praiseworthy characteristics and good manners, whether towards Allaah, His Prophet the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), towards their Qur’aan and ummah, and with everyone whom they know and who has rights over them. They should not behave badly with those whom they mix with, their neighbours or their friends.
Al-Nawawi said:
The father must discipline his child and teach him what he needs to know of religious duties. This teaching is obligatory upon the father and all those in charge of children before the child reaches the age of adolescence. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and his companions. Al-Shaafa’i and his companions said: This teaching is also obligatory upon the mother, if there is no father, because it is part of the child’s upbringing and they have a share of that and the wages for this teaching may be taken from the child’s own wealth. If the child has no wealth then the one who is obliged to spend on him may spend on his education, because it is one of the things that he needs. And Allaah knows best.
Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Saheeh Muslim, 8/44
The father should bring them up with good manners in all things, eating, drinking, dressing, sleeping, going out of the house, entering the house, riding in vehicles, etc, and in all their affairs. He should instill in them the attributes of a good man, such as love of sacrifice, putting others first, helping others, chivalry and generosity. He should keep them away from evil characteristics such as cowardice, stinginess, lack of chivalry, lack of ambition, etc.
Al-Manaawi said:
“Just as your parents have rights over you, so too your child has rights over you, rather many rights, such as teaching them the individual obligations, teaching them Islamic manners, giving them gifts equally, whether that is a gift, a waqf, or other gift. If preference is shown with no reason, that is regarded as invalid by some of the scholars and as makrooh by others.
Fayd al-Qadeer, 2/574
He must also protect his sons and daughters from everything that may bring them close to the Fire. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
al-Qurtubi said:
al-Hasan commented on this verse by saying, Command them and forbid them. One of the scholars said: (The phrase) Ward off (or protect) yourselves includes children, because the child is part of him, as it says in the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “…nor on yourselves, if you eat from your houses…” [al-Noor 24:61], where the various relatives are not mentioned individually. So he should teach him what is halaal and what is haraam, and make him avoid sin, and teach him other rulings.
Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/194-195.

Spending

This is one of the father’s obligations towards his children; it is not permissible for him to fall short in that or to neglect this matter, rather he is obliged to do this duty in the fullest sense.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man if he neglects those on whom he is obliged to spend.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1692; classed as sahan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4481.
Another of the greatest rights is to give the child a good upbringing and take good care of him or her – especially in the case of girls. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged this righteous deed.
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah the wife of the Prophet (S) said: A woman came to me with two daughters and asked me for food, and I could not find anything except one date which I gave to her. She shared it between her two daughters, then she got up and went out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came in and I told him what had happened. He said: “Whoever is in charge of any of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the Fire.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629
Another important matter which is one of the rights of children to which attention must be paid, is treating children fairly. This right was referred to by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the saheeh hadeeth: “Fear Allaah and treat your children fairly.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2447; Muslim, 1623). It is not permissible to show preference to females over males, just as it is not permissible to show preference to males over females. If the father makes this mistake and shows preference to some of his children over others, and does not treat them fairly, this will lead to many evils, such as:
The harm that befalls the father himself, for the children whom he denies or deprives will grow up to hate him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to this in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim (1623) when he said to the father of al-Nu’maan, “Would you like them to honour you equally?” He said, “Yes.” In other words, if you want them all to honour you equally, then be fair in giving gifts to them.
Another evil consequence is the children hating one another, and stoking the flames of hatred and enmity between them.
And Allaah knows best.

Good Manners at Home

Spreading kindness in the home
'Aa'ishah (RA) said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'When Allah (SWT) wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.'" [Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/71; Saheeh al-Jaami', 303]
According to another report:
"When Allah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them." [Reported by Ibn Abi al-Dunya and others; Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 1704]
In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet (SAW) said:
"Allah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else." [Reported by Muslim, Kitaab al-Birr wa'l-Sillah wa'l-Aadaab, no. 2592]

Helping one's wife with the housework

Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work.
The Messenger of Allah (SAW), however, used to "sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes." [Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Saheeh al-Jaami', 4927]
This was said by his wife 'Aa'ishah (RA), when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to do in his house; her response described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she said:
"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." [Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671]
She (RA) was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to do in his house, and she said,
"He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." [Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 2/162]
If we were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:

1. We would be following the example of the Prophet (SAW).
2. We would be helping our wives.
3. We would feel more humble, not arrogant.

Some men demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food. Let these Hadith be a reminder and a lesson.

Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family

Showing affection towards one's wife and children is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus the Messenger of Allah (SAW) advised Jabir (RA) to marry a virgin, saying,
"Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?" [The hadeeth is reported in a number of places in the Saheehayn, such as al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 9/121]
The Prophet (SAW) also said:
"Everything in which Allah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife." [Reported by al-Nisaa'i in 'Ushrat al-Nisa', p. 87; also in Saheeh al-Jaami']
The Prophet (SAW) used to treat his wife 'Aa'ishah (RA) affectionately when doing ghusl with her, as she (RA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah and I used to do ghusl together from one vessel, and he would pretend to take all the water so that I would say, 'Leave some for me, leave some for me,'" - and both of them were in a state of janaabah (impurity). [Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 4/6]
The ways in which the Prophet (SAW) showed affection towards young children are too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his affection towards Hasan and Husayn, as mentioned above. This is probably one of the reason why the children used to rejoice when he came back from travelling; they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the saheeh hadith:
"Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be taken out to meet him."
He (SAW) used to hug them close to him, as 'Abd-Allah ibn Jafar (RA) said:
"Whenever the Prophet (SAW) came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madeenah." [Saheeh Muslim, 4/1885-2772; see the commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56]
Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are no truthful jokes (i.e., jokes that do not involve lying), no affection and no mercy. Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read the following hadeeth: from Abu Hurayrah (RA) who said:
"The Messenger of Allah (SAW) kissed al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, and al-Aqra' ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of Allah (SAW) looked at him and said: 'The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'"

Speaking to The Point of Backbiting

We all know as Muslims we shouldn't backbite yet sometimes we forget and other times we don't know we are actually backbiting.
In the Qur’an Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) says “O you who believe! avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin, and do not spy nor let some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), Merciful.” [Al-Hujaraat: 12]
Also this authentic hadith (below) teaches us some more about backbiting and how easy it is to do it.
The Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) was looking into marrying Safiyyah (Radhi Allahu 'Anhum). Aisha (Radhi Allahu 'Anhum) saw her yet out of natural jealousy really didn't want the Prophet to marry her. So the Prophet asked Aisha about her and Aisha said she was nice and everything was good about her, but then Aisha made a gesture with her hand to show that Safiyyah was short. In response to this the Prophet said just this gesture; if she were to put it into an ocean it would stain the whole ocean. [Sunan Abu Dawud, 41:4857]
Just this simple gesture which seems to many of us not to be backbiting was backbiting indeed and was a very serious thing. Many of us may be thinking what was the harm in this as it was only the truth. The reason the Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) reprimanded Aisha was because it was meant as something bad, something to show that Safiyyah was not good enough and something that she would not want said about her. So the Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) responded the way he did to show us that even this was wrong for her to do.
We also learn from another hadith that people who backbite often have hypocrisy in their hearts. In a rough translation of the hadith the Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) said, “Oh you who don't believe totally in your hearts (have hypocrisy in their hearts), do not backbite or follow those people who backbite”. [Sunan Abu Dawud, 41:4862]
We learn from this hadith that we should not follow the people who backbite and we should not be one of those people. The Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) is actually addressing those people who have hypocrisy in their hearts, to show how major of a sin this backbiting is. It is so major that a person who does it often can easily fall into hypocrisy, and if this continues can become a munafiq and fall out of Islam. So we must watch everything we do to ensure we are not transgressing on our fellow Muslims.
We cannot transgress on a Muslim no matter what. This counts for his wealth and his honor. Backbiting falls into this, because it is transgression and can ruin a person’s honor and make them look bad. Also the above hadith shows we should not oppress a fellow Muslim, even with our tongue. We also cannot forsake him when he is oppressed by others. Meaning we cannot join in on the oppression or look down upon him because other people are backbiting on him or because others are oppressing him.
There are also major punishments for the people who backbite. When the Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) went on the journey called Israw wal Mahraj he saw some in hellfire with claws poking and clawing at their eyes. When he asked Jibril about these people he was told these were the gossipers and backbiters. So this is one of the punishments we learn from this journey our beloved Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) went on. Also the Prophet (Salla Allahu 'Alayhee wa Sallam) told us in an authentic hadith that the losers would be those who were about to enter Jannah but then right before they entered the gates someone would come to them and take their good deeds for backbiting them, then another person, and another and another, until all his good deeds were gone, then the next person would come and dumb his bad deeds on the man until all the people he had backbitten receive compensation from this person, then he would be cast into hellfire.
Subhanallah, truly the person mention in the above hadith is a loser. Imagine being on your way to Jannah, excited and pleased with yourself then seeing a crowd of people gathering behind you. Then as you are entering into Jannah the people of this crowd stop you and begin to take from your good deeds and continue on like this until you have nothing. Imagine then being thrown into hell fire, thrown into the worse punishment imaginable all because of your tongue, all because of the words you would not keep from coming out. Such a severe punishment shows us how dangerous this action is and should prevent us from doing such a thing.
Another aspect of backbiting is that it is as if you were eating the flesh of the person you were backbiting, who of us would want to do this? So fear Allah and ask for forgiveness for your sins, because backbiting is not a minor sin, it is a major one!
To conclude Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) has promised us rewards for protecting the honor of our brothers and sisters. Meaning you do not backbite or lie on them and when others are doing this you stop them. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) promises us that if we protect the honor of our brothers and sisters then Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) will protect our honor. Likewise if we don't then Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) will not protect our honor as well. Who does not want the reward of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) and who does not want their honor protected by the best of protectors? So we should truly watch what we say and keep silent unless we have something productive to contribute. With this mindset and with implementing this in our lives we are guaranteed to be on the right track. As Muslims we mold our lives around the manners and etiquettes Islam teaches us so let us continue on with this aspect and further our development as righteous people.

Exceptions for Backbiting

It is also useful to understand the exceptions for backbiting so when it may seem someone is backbiting we will know that it is permissible.

1. Forbidding a bigger evil
   
   If speaking about a person will stop a bigger evil then it is permissible to do so, even if the person may not want such a thing said. For example if someone is known to abuse people and a sister would like to marry this man, it is permissible to tell the sister about this aspect of him and anything else that she should know about.


2. Wanting to ask about a Fiqh issue
   
   This exception comes directly from a situation in which a Sahabah had to speak about someone else in order to find the proper Islamic ruling for the situation. This exception is to be used when speaking to someone of knowledge and when the person asking is sincere in finding the ruling for the situation.


3. Deter from evil, innovation, and leading one astray
   
   It is permissible to speak about a person who may be evil or leading people astray. For example if a person is giving da’wah at a mass scale and his understanding of Islam is incorrect or what he is teaching is incorrect it is permissible to warn and speak against him. Likewise if someone has problems in their Aqeedah it is permissible to tell others about this person to deter them from believing his mistakes.


4. A nickname that is the norm for the person and is in widespread use
   
   This example also comes from the Sahabah as they used to have nicknames which they called one another. Some of which would seem to be slanderous but amongst themselves the names were not. If everyone agrees that the name is okay and it becomes popular then it is permissible to call the person that name, even if it may seem insulting. However, if the person does not wish to be called such a name, then one cannot call him it.


5. A person who does his or her sins in public
   
   If a person publicly does haram then it is okay to speak about them. For example if a person openly drinks alcohol and does not try to conceal himself at all, then there is no sin on speaking about him. Likewise if a person fornicates or does other haram in public, there is no sin on speaking about him.


6. When authenticating a story or hadith
   
   When authenticating a story of hadith we must know every detail of each person who narrated it in the chain. The reason for this is if someone is known to be a liar, then we do not take from their narrations. In this situation it is not haram to speak about someone for it is required in order to authenticate what he may have said or related to us.

So now we know a bit more and inshallah we will stop from talking nonsense. Now we know 'Silence is Wisdom' so keep silent unless you have something positive to contribute. Also refrain from idle talk because it can lead to evil things and because it is also talk that does no good, and can cause much harm. We must also watch what we say because we may be backbiting a person and not even know it. If we just look around us we will see situations where brothers or sisters may be backbiting each other and not even realize it. Now that we know the evils of backbiting and speaking without knowledge we should spend our time teaching it to others and stopping others from doing such acts. With this inshallah we will grow and continue to stay strong in this deen.
Oh Allah keep us strong and keep us away from backbiting and gossiping. Oh Allah keep us away from those who backbite. Protect us from the evil eye and protect us from the Dajjal. Oh Allah protect us from the evil you have created. Make us of those who speak of that which you love and forbid that which you hate. Make it so our tongues only speak what is truthful and never do injustice. Increase us in our deen and keep us of those who ask for forgiveness. Keep us strong in this deen and allow us to die for your cause, and your cause alone.

Lemantations of Muslim Wife

Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala has said, "... Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one..." [Quraan 4:3]. I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." [Quraan 4:129]
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick. However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule. Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars; so many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah prevent this from happening.
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..." Allah forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. For the one who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah, Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition. And to say it is unfair is to say that He, Subhana wa Ta'ala, is unfair. May Allah guard our tongues from such blasphemy.
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram? Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah guide us. Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her. Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness?
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah, and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha and the other Mothers of the Believers, may Allah have mercy on them, were jealous, but they did not allow their jealousy to destroy their deen, and I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of them, or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of the deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other. Sure, they even tried (until the prophet forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah. So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support.
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. And if they marry your husband or your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, ostracize them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best. They have married rather that commit haram. They have followed the command of Allah in marrying. They have completed their religion, and the one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to reexamine her faith in Allah. She has to accept this as Allah's religion and as the superior way, because and -- only because -- Allah said that it is so.
May Allah guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen.

Beware of Jealousy

"Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood."
Hasad (jealousy and envy) is among the most destructive emotions or feeling which a man may have towards his fellow human being. It causes him to wish evil for others and to be happy when misfortune befalls them. The Prophet (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) warned against envy by comparing it to fire that completely burns the wood.
He (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood." [Abû Dawûd]
Hasad is a disease of the heart and it causes impurity to the heart, when Allâh's Messenger (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) was asked who are the best of people? He (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) replied: "the one with a clean heart and truthful tongue."They asked: 'We understand a truthful tongue, but what does a clean heart mean?' he answered: 'It is the heart of one that is pious, pure, and is free of sin, transgressions, hatred and Hasad." [Ibn Mâjah]
Hasad is such a dangerous characteristic that Allâh revealed verses of the Qur'ân to be recited as a protection from the jealous,
"Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of the dawn… from the evil of envious when he envies." [Sûrah al-Fâlaq (113): 1]
At-Tirmîdhî narrated from al-Zubayr Ibn al-Awam that the Prophet (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) said: "There has come to you the disease of the nations before you, jealousy and hatred. This is the 'shaver' (destroyer); I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (destroys) faith…" [(Hasan) Jamî at- Tirmîdhî (2434)]
Hasad can cause the person to indulge in disbelief because it causes the individual to feel that Allâh has not been fair with him; he forgets all the mercy and blessings which Allâh has bestowed upon him. The Messenger of Allâh (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) said: "They are enemies for Allâh's bounties." They asked: "Who are they?" He said: "Those who envy people for what Allâh has given them of Bounty." [at-Tabarânî]
Allâh through His Absolute Wisdom has given some people more wealth, intelligence, beauty, strength, children, etc. than others. The believing Muslim should be content with what Allâh has destined for him.
Allâh says: "Allâh favored some of you over others with wealth and properties… Do they deny the favors of Allâh?" [Sûrah an-Nahl (16): 71]
And: "Do they envy men for what Allâh has given them of His Bounty?" [Sûrah an-Nisâ (4): 54]
"It is We Who portion out between them their livelihood in this world, and We raised some of them above others in ranks, so that some may employ others in their work. But the mercy of your Lord is better." [Sûrah az-Zukhruf (43): 32]
meaning mercy of Allâh is better than the convenience of the world. The materials of this life do not make one superior to another in Allâh's Judgment. True superiority lies in Taqwa (righteousness, fear of Allâh).
He said: "Surely, the most noble of you to Allâh is the most God-fearing." [Sûrah al-Hujurât (49): 13]
"And the Hereafter with Your Lord is (only) for those who have Taqwa." [Sûrah az-Zukhruf (43): 35]
What belongs to the transient world is of no significance before Allâh. The Prophet (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) said: "If this world were worth a mosquito's wing before Allâh, He would not give a disbeliever a drink of water." [At-Tirmidhî]
The favors of Allâh in the world are a test; the more the favors, the more the tests. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: "Umar Ibn Khattâb wrote this letter to Abû Musa al-Ash'ari, 'Be content with your provision in this world, for the Most Merciful has honored some of His servants over others in terms of provision as a test of both. The one who has been given plenty is being tested to see if he will give thanks to Allâh and fulfill the duties which are his by virtue of his wealth…" [Ibn Hâtim]
Allâh, the Exalted, has therefore forbidden us from desiring what other have, "Do not wish for what we have favored some of you over others." [Sûrah an-Nisa (4): 32]
In order to discourage envy, the Prophet (sallallâhû alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Do not look to those above you. Look to those below you, as it will more likely remind you of Allâh's favors bestowed on you." [Sahîh al-Bukharî and Sahîh Muslim] On another occasion, he said: "If one of you looks at someone wealthier and better built than him, he should also look at someone of lower standard than himself." [Sahîh Muslim]

Shaking Hands with Opposite Gender

It is not permissible for a man who believes in Allaah and His Messenger to put his hand in the hand of a women who is not permissible for him or who is not one of his mahrams. Whoever does that has wronged himself (i.e., sinned).
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
This hadeeth alone is sufficient to deter and to instill the obedience required of us by Allaah, because it implies that touching women may lead to temptation and immorality.
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the believing women migrated to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), they would be tested in accordance with the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
‘O Prophet! When believing women come to you to give you the Bay‘ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allaah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse’
[al-Mumtahanah 60:12]
‘Aa’ishah said: Whoever among the believing women agreed to that had passed the test, and when the women agreed to that, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to them: “Go, for you have given your oath of allegiance.’ No, by Allaah, the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman, rather they would give their oath of allegiance with words only.” And ‘Aa’ishah said: “By Allaah, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) only took the oath of allegiance from the women in the manner prescribed by Allaah, and the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman. When he had taken their oath of allegiance he would say, ‘I have accepted your oath of allegiance verbally.’”
(narrated by Muslim, 1866)
It was narrated from ‘Urwah that ‘Aa’ishah told him about the women’s oath of allegiance: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched any woman with his hand. He would explain to the woman what the oath of allegiance implied, and when she accepted, he would say ‘Go, for you have given your oath of allegiance.’”
Narrated by Muslim, 1866
This infallible one, the best of mankind, the leader of the sons of Adam on the Day of Resurrection, did not touch women. This is despite the fact that the oath of allegiance was originally given by hand. So how about men other than the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?
It was narrated that Umaymah the daughter of Raqeeqah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “I do not shake hands with women.”
Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (4181) and Ibn Maajah, 2874; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2513.
Secondly:
It is not permissible to shake hands even with a barrier in between, such as shaking hands from beneath a garment and the like. The hadeeth that was narrated allowing that is da’eef (weak).
It was narrated from Ma’qal ibn Yassaar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to shake hands with women from beneath a garment.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat, 2855.
Al-Haythami said:
This was narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer and al-Awsat. Its isnaad includes ‘Ataab ibn Harb, who is da’eef (weak).
Majma’ al-Zawaa’id, 6/39.
Wali al-Deen al-‘Iraaqi said:
The words of ‘Aa’ishah, “He used to accept the women’s oath of allegiance by words only” mean that he did so without taking their hands or shaking hands with them. This indicates that the bay’ah of men was accepted by taking their hands and shaking hands with them, as well as by words, and this is how it was. What ‘Aa’ishah mentioned was the custom.
Some of the mufassireen mentioned that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called for a vessel of water and dipped his hand in it, then the women dipped their hands in it. And some of them said that he did not shake hands with them from behind a barrier and had a Qatari cloak over his hand. And it was said that ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) shook hands with them on his behalf. None of these reports are sound, especially the last one, How could ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) have done something that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who was ma’soom (infallible), would not do?
Tarh al-Tathreeb, 7/45
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The most correct view is that this (i.e., shaking hands with women from behind a barrier) is not allowed at all, because of the general meaning of the hadeeth, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “I do not shake hands with women;” and so as to ward off the means that may lead to evil.
(Adapted from Hashiyat Majmoo’at Rasaa’il fi’l-Hijaab wa’l-Sufoor, p. 69)
The same ruling applies to shaking hands with old women; this is also haraam because of the general meaning of the texts on this issue. The reports that say it is permissible are da’eef (weak).
Al-Zayla’i said:
“As for the report that ‘Abu Bakr used to shake hands with old women, it is also ghareeb.”
(Nasab al-Raayah, 4/240)
Ibn Hajar said:
I cannot find this hadeeth.
(al-Diraayah fi Takhreej Ahaadeeth al-Hidaayah, 2/225)
Fourthly:
With regard to the views of the four imams, they are as follows:
1 – The Hanafi madhhab:
Ibn Nujaym said:
It is not permissible for a man to touch a woman’s face or hands even if there is no risk of desire because it is haraam in principle and there is no necessity that would allow it.
Al-Bahr al-Raa’iq, 8/219
2 – The Maaliki madhhab:
Muhammad ibn Ahmad (‘Ulaysh) said:
It is not permissible for a man to touch the face or hand of a non-mahram woman, and it is not permissible for him to put his hand on hers without a barrier. ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never accepted a woman’s oath of allegiance by shaking hands with her; rather he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to accept their oath of allegiance by words only.” According to another report, “His hand never touched the hand of a woman, rather he would accept their oath of allegiance by words only.”
(Manh al-Jaleel Sharh Mukhtasar Khaleel, 1/223)
3 – The Shaafa’i madhhab:
Al-Nawawi said:
It is not permissible to touch a woman in any way.
Al-Majmoo’, 4/515.
Wali al-Deen al-‘Iraaqi said:
This indicates that the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not touch the hand of any woman apart from his wives and concubines, whether in the case of accepting the oath of allegiance or in other cases. If he did not do that despite the fact that he was infallible and beyond suspicion, then it is even more essential that others heed this prohibition. It appears from the texts that he refrained from doing that because it was haraam for him to do so. The fuqaha’ among our companions and others said that it is haraam to touch a non-mahram woman even if that is not touching parts of her body that are not ‘awrah, such as her face. But they differed with regard to looking when there is no desire and no fear of fitnah. The prohibition on touching is stronger than the prohibition on looking, and it is haraam when there is no necessity that would allow it. If it is the case of necessity, e.g. medical treatment, removing a tooth or treating the eyes, etc., if there is no woman who can do that, then it is permissible for a non-mahram to do that because it is the case of necessity.
Tarh al-Tathreeb, 7/45, 46
4 – The Hanbali madhhab
Ibn Muflih said:
Abu ‘Abd-Allaah – i.e., Imam Ahmad – was asked about a man who shakes hands with a woman. He said, No, and was emphatic that it is haraam. I said, Should he shake hands with her from beneath his garment? He said, No.
Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen also favoured the view that it is prohibited, and gave the reason that touching is more serious than looking.
AlAdaab al-Shar’iyyah, 2/257
And Allaah knows best.

Affection and Compassion Between Spouses

One of the greatest aims of marriage according to the laws of Allaah is so that affection and compassion may prevail between the spouses. This is the foundation on which married life should be built. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy." [al-Room 30:21] 
al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Affection means love, and compassion means kindness. A man keeps a woman either because he loves her or her because he feels compassion towards her because he has children from her.
Our advice to you is not to ignore the affection and compassion between spouses that Allaah has mentioned in this verse. Think about the Mothers of the Believers, and the womenfolk of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them all), especially the role of Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Try to make your family happy and you will see the effect of that in sha Allaah.
One of the greatest means of attaining happiness and cheerfulness is what was narrated from one of the righteous: Kindness is something easy: a cheerful face and a gentle word. So try to adopt this kindness towards your husband – until it becomes ingrained in you – and you will win his heart and make him be affectionate and compassionate towards you.
But before all that, and above all that, our Lord says (interpretation of the meaning):
"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.
But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world." [Fussilat 41:34-35] 
Shaykh Ibn Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: i.e., Good deeds and acts of obedience that are done for the sake of Allaah cannot be equal to bad deeds and sins that earn His wrath and do not please Him. Kindness towards others cannot be equal to mistreatment of them. "Is there any reward for good other than good?." [al-Rahmaan 55:60]
Then He enjoins a specific type of kindness which has a great impact, which is kindness towards the one who treats you badly. He says: "Repel (the evil) with one which is better" i.e., if someone mistreats you, especially if he has great rights over you, such as relatives and friends and the like, and he mistreats you in word or in deed, then respond by treating him kindly. If he cuts off ties with you then uphold ties with him; if he wrongs you, forgive him; if he speaks against you, in your absence or in your presence, do not respond in kind, rather forgive him, and deal with him by speaking kindly; if he shuns you and does not speak to you, then speak nicely to him, and greet him with salaam. If you respond to mistreatment with kind treatment, that will do a great deal of good.
"then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend" i.e., as if he is close to you and a good  friend.
"But none is granted it" i.e., this praiseworthy quality is not given to anyone "except those who are patient" and put up with what they dislike, and force themselves to do what Allaah loves, for souls are created with a natural inclination to respond to bad treatment in kind and not to forgive it, so how can they respond in a good manner?
If a person is patient and obeys the command of his Lord, and understands the great reward, and knows that responding in kind to the one who mistreats him will not achieve anything and will only make the enmity worse, and that treating him kindly will not cause him any humiliation, rather it will raise him in status, because the one who shows humility for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will raise him in status thereby, then the matter will become easy for him and he will do that with joy and pleasure.
"and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion" because this is a characteristic of the elite people, by means of which a person attains a high status in this world and in the Hereafter, which is one of the greatest and noblest of characteristics. End quote. 
Tafseer al-Sa'di (549-550) 
If all of this applies to the rights of people in general, then what about the rights of your wife? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them." Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1192); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1203). 
We have started by speaking to you, because you are the one who asked the question, and we think that you are more likely to listen and respond to our advice. If that means giving up some of your rights and forgiving the one who has wronged you, then there is nothing wrong with that. Who can say that giving up some of one's rights or forgiving some mistreatment is shameful or a shortcoming? Rather it is perfection.
Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2588) from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Charity does not decrease wealth. No one forgives, but Allaah increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself before Allaah but Allaah raises him in status." 
As for speaking to your husband or rebuking him, it is words of sincere advice and a rebuke from those who love good for him and fear for the bad consequences that he may face as a result of his actions; they want to warn him against obeying Iblees and making him happy, and disobeying and incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful, may He be exalted.
As for his obeying Ibleese, Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2813) that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Iblees places his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah (tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says, I have done such and such, and he says: 'You have not done anything.' Then one of them comes and says: 'I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife.' Then he draws him close to him and says: 'How good you are.'" Al-A'mash said: I think he said: "and he embraces him."
As for his incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful and disobeying Him, let him listen to what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allaah, and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the word of Allaah." Narrated by Muslim (1218)

Choosing the desired wife

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.
When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect" companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on.
The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.
When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."
When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.

Who To Marry

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery.
True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.
In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman.
Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard.'" [al-Taubah: 34-35]
Umar (r.a.a) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away.
Abu Bakr once asked Rasulallah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds." Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.

Qualities of The Pious Woman

Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.
The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. "And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity." [An-Nur: 26] "Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard." [An-Nisa': 34]
"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..." [At-Tahrim: 5]
And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes: -a Muslim woman -a believing woman -a devout woman -a true woman -a woman who is patient and constant -a woman who humbles herself -a woman who gives charity -a woman who fasts and denies herself -a woman who guards her chastity -a woman who engages much in Allah's praise.
Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: "O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down." [Al-Imraan: 43]
Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden.'" [At-Tahrim: 11]
The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her." Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." [An-Nisaa: 19] Remember also that you are not perfect either.

Knowing Who She Is

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments." [An-Nur: 31]
If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends."

Humility in Prayer

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal - rahimahullah - said:
You should know - may Allah have mercy upon you - that when the slave [of Allah] leaves his house to go to the mosque, that he is going to face Allah, the Irresistible, the One, the Omnipotent, the Exalted in Might, the Oft-forgiving, in the knowledge that nothing is hidden from Allah, wherever it might be, and that nothing is hidden from Allah and that even something as small as a mustard seed is not concealed from Him, nor even something smaller, nor larger - in the seven earths or the seven heavens, in the seven seas or the lofty mountains, fixed and firm. And verily, the mosque to which he comes is one of the Houses of Allah. He desires only Allah and he sets out to one of Allah's Houses, which:
"Allah has permitted to be raised to honour, for the celebration in them of His Name: In them He is glorified in the mornings and the evenings [over and over] by men whom neither traffic nor merchandise can divert from the practice of regular charity: Their [only] fear is for the Day when hearts and eyes will be transformed." [Qur'an 24:36-37]
So when anyone from amongst you sets out from his house (for the mosque) he should say quietly to himself words of remembrance [of Allah] - words unconnected with the affairs and business of this world. He should set out calmly, somberly, for this is what the Prophet, sallAllahu `alaihi wa sallam, ordered us to do; he should set out with (his heart full of) longing and desire [for Allah's pleasure] and fear and apprehension [of Allah's anger] and with humility and meekness towards Allah. For the more humble, the more meek, the more submissive he is to Allah, the more virtuous and righteous does he become in Salah and the greater becomes his reward, and the more noble and nearer to Allah becomes the worshipper. But should he be filled with pride, Allah will destroy him and will reject his deeds, for the deeds of the proud are never accepted. It has been narrated in a hadith concerning Prophet Ibrahim, `alaihis salam, Allah's Khalil, that he spent the night in worship and remembrance of Allah, and in the morning, he was pleased with the night's worship and he said: "How Good is the Rabb (Lord), and how good is the slave, Ibrahim (`alaihis salam)." On the following day, finding none to share his food with him - and he loved to share his food - he took his food outside to the road and sat, waiting for any passerby to eat with him. then two angels descended from the heavens and approached him.
So he invited them to eat with him and they accepted. Then Ibrahim `alaihis salam suggested that they approach a nearby garden which contained a fresh water spring. They agreed to this and approached the garden, only to find that the spring had run underground, so there was no water. This was a severe blow to Ibrahim, `alaihis salam, and he was embarrassed by what he had said (because there was no spring in evidence) and so the angels said to him: "Ask your Rabb to return the spring." He did so, but the spring did not appear, and this was a great blow to him and so he said to the angels: "You ask Allah." So one of them asked Him, and behold! The water returned, then the other supplicated Allah and the water flowed near to them. Then they informed him that his being impressed by his own standing in prayer the previous night had caused his supplication to be rejected. So beware - may Allah have mercy on you - of pride, for no deed will be accepted if it is accompanied by pride. Be humble in your Salah. Should any of you stand in Salah before his Rabb, he should know Allah, in his heart by the great blessings which He bestows upon him and the Abundant favour which He grants him, for Allah has honoured him with great goodness, but he has saddled himself with sins. Therefore it is incumbent upon him to be excessive in his humility and meekness towards Allah.
It is reported from Abu ad-Darda that he said, "That may face be covered in dust for my Rabb (is most loved by me), - for that is the best kind of worship for Allah." So let none of you fear the dust, nor find it distasteful to make sujud in it, for there is no doubt that every one of you comes from it (i.e. mankind was created from dust). Nor should any of you fear an excess of it, for verily, it is by this means that one attempts to attain freedom from slavery and salvation from the Hellfire - a fire before which the fixed lofty mountains which were placed as pegs (holding the earth) could not stand, nor the seven strong heavens, built one above another, which are placed as a well graded canopy over us, nor the earth, which was placed as a dwelling for us, nor the seven seas, of which none knows their depths or their size except the One Who created them. Then what about us, with our feeble bodies, our delicate bones, our flimsy skin? We seek refuge with Allah from the Fire!
So should any of you stand in Salah - may Allah have mercy on you - then let him be as if he sees Allah before him, for though he may not see Allah, verily, Allah sees him. It is narrated in a hadith that Allah's Messenger, sallAllahu `alaihi wa sallam, advised a man, saying:
"Fear Allah as though you see Him, for verily, though you may not see Him, He sees you." [Something similar to this wording is quoted in the hadith in which the Prophet, sallAllahu `alaihi wa sallam spoke to Jibril, `alaihis salam, informing him about the meaning of ihsan, as reported by Bukhari and Muslim.]
This then, is the advice of the Prophet, sallAllahu `alaihi wa sallam, to the slave in all his affairs, so what about when he performs Salah, when he stands before Allah, in a particular place, a sacred place, desiring Allah and turning his face towards Him? Does not his standing, his situation in Salah merit the same ihsan as all his affairs? It says in a hadith:
"Verily, the slave, when he starts his Salah, should turn his face to Allah, and he should not turn it away from Him until he leaves or turns to right and left." [That is, when he makes taslim at the end of the prayer.] (Narrated by Ahmad, Abu Dawud and an-Nasa'i)
It is also narrated in a hadith:
"Verily, the slave, as long as he is in Salah, possesses three qualities: Blessings are showered upon his head from the heavens above, the angels sit around him, from his feet to the heavens and a caller says: 'If the slave knew the One Who hears his whispered utterances, he would never leave his Salah.'" [This narration was mentioned by Muhammad ibn Nasr al-Mirwazi in Kitab as-Salah from the hadith of Al-Hasan Al-Basri in a mursal form (an incomplete chain of narrations, in which no Companion is mentioned.)]
Allah showers His Mercy upon the worshipper who approaches prayer in a state of humility and meekness towards Allah, in fear and supplicating Him with desire (for His Pleasure), and in hope (of His Mercy), making Salah to his Rabb, his most important consideration, dedicating his whispered utterances to Him and his standing erect in worship and his ruku` and his sujud, poring out his heart and his feelings and struggling to perfect his acts of worship, for he knows not whether he will perform another prayer after it, or whether he will be overtaken (by death) before he can perform Salah again. He stands before his Rabb, earnestly, with deep feelings, hoping for its acceptance and fearing its rejection, for verily, its acceptance is a cause for joy, while its rejection is a cause for misery and wretchedness. Nothing could be more important to you - O my brother - in this Salah, or indeed in any of your actions [i.e. that Allah should accept them]. What is more deserving of your distress and misery, your fear - indeed your terror - you know not whether your Salah will find favour with Allah at all, nor whether any of your good deeds will be accepted.
Do you know if your sins will be forgiven at all? After all this, you have no assurance that you will be spared from it (i.e. the punishment of the Hellfire). So who is more deserving of your tears and sadness [than Allah] - that He may accept from you (your deeds)? In addition to this, you know not whether or not you will awaken in the morning, nor if you will still be here in the evening - will you be given the good news of Paradise, or the bad news of the Hellfire? I only desire to warn you - O my brother - of this terrible danger. It is not fitting that you should be happy because of your family, your wealth or your children. It is a most amazing thing that you should continue to be unmindful, chasing after vain desires, wasting your time in disregard of this most important matter, for you are being driven at a fierce pace (towards death) day and night, hour by hour, like the blink of an eye. You should expect - O my brother - that your time may come at any moment and do not be unmindful of this great danger which may visit you. Most assuredly, you must (eventually) taste death.
Your time may come in the morning or in the evening. You will be separated from all that you possessed - either (to be rewarded with) Paradise or (to be punished in) the Hellfire. Descriptions and stories of them (have become) superfluous. Have you not heard - O my brother the words of the pious slave:
"I am amazed concerning the Hellfire - how does the one who could flee from it sleep? And I am amazed concerning the Jannah - how does the one who desires it sleep? For by Allah! If you neither desire Paradise, nor fear the Hellfire, then you are destroyed and grievous will be your sorrow, interminable your sadness and without limit your tears; you will be amongst the wretched, the punished ones. So if you claim that you are amongst those who seek refuge from the Fire and desire Paradise, then strive for that which you seek and do not be misled by your worldly desires."

Reasons of Punihsment in Grave

Praise be to Allaah.
There are many reasons for which people may be punished in their graves. Here we will list some of these sins, along with evidence from the Qur'aan and Sunnah.

Shirk (associating others with Allaah) and kufr (disbelieving in Him)

Allaah says concerning the people of Pharaoh (interpretation of the meaning):
"The Fire, they are exposed to it, morning and afternoon. And on the Day when the Hour will be established (it will be said to the angels): 'Cause Fir'awn's (Pharaoh) people to enter the severest torment!'" [Ghaafir 40:46]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if you could but see when the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers) are in the agonies of death, while the angels are stretching forth their hands (saying): 'Deliver your souls! This day you shall be recompensed with the torment of degradation because of what you used to utter against Allaah other than the truth. And you used to reject His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) with disrespect!'" [al-An'aam 6:93]
When death approaches the kaafir, the angels tell him of what is awaiting of him of punishment, chains and fire, and the wrath of Allaah; his soul disperses in his body and refuses to leave his body, and the angels beat him until his soul comes out of his body, saying, "Deliver your souls! This day you shall be recompensed with the torment of degradation." [al-An'aam 6:93]
Evidence that shirk is one of the causes of punishment in the grave is to be found in the hadeeth of Zayd ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was in a garden belonging to Banu'l-Najjaar on a mule of his and we were with him, it stumbled and nearly threw him. There he saw some graves, six or five or four. He said: "Who knows the occupants of these graves?" A man said: "I do." He said: "When did these people die?" He said: "They died in shirk." He said: "This ummah will be punished in their graves. Were it not that you would not bury one another, I would pray to Allaah to make you hear what I hear of the torment in the grave." Then he turned to us and said: "Seek refuge with Allaah from the punishment of Hellfire..." [Narrated by Muslim 2867]
The words in this hadeeth, "They died in shirk," indicate that shirk is a cause of the punishment in the grave.

Hypocrisy is one of the causes of the punishment in the grave

The hypocrites are those who most deserve to be punished in the grave. How can it be otherwise when they are the ones who will occupy the lowest level of Hell?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And among the bedouins around you, some are hypocrites, and so are some among the people of Al?Madinah who persist in hypocrisy; you (O Muhammad) know them not, We know them. We shall punish them twice, and thereafter they shall be brought back to a great (horrible) torment." [al-Tawbah 9:101]
Qataadah and al-Rabee' ibn Anas said concerning the phrase "We shall punish them twice": once in this world, and the second is the punishment in the grave.
In the hadeeth about the questioning of the two angels and the torment of the grave, the word hypocrite (munaafiq), or skeptic (murtaab) in many reports, is clearly mentioned, as in the report narrated by al-Bukhaari from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him): "… as for the kaafir and the hypocrite, it will be said to him…". And in al-Saheehayn it is narrated from Asma' (may Allaah be pleased with her): "As for the hypocrite or the skeptic…"

Changing the religion of Allaah, by forbidding that which Allaah has permitted or permitting that which He has forbidden

The evidence that this changing of the religion of Allaah is one of the causes of punishment in the grave is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "I saw 'Amr ibn 'Aamir al-Khuzaa'i dragging his intestines in Hell. He was the first one to introduce the institution of al-saa'ibah." [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4623]
The saa'ibah was a she-camel, cow or sheep which they would leave to graze for the sake of the false gods, and it would not be ridden, eaten or used for carrying burdens. Some of them would make vows to make part of their wealth a saa'ibah.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Arabs, from among the sons of Ismaa'eel and others, who lived in the environs of the Ancient House that had been built by Ibraaheem and Ismaa'eel, were haneefs (monotheists) who followed the religion of Ibraaheem, until one of the leaders of Khuzaa'ah, namely 'Amr ibn Luhayy, changed his religion. He was the first one to change the religion of Ibraaheem to shirk and forbid things that Allaah had not forbidden. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I saw 'Amr ibn Luhayy dragging his intestines." [Daqaa'iq al-Tafseer, 2/71]

Not taking care to avoid getting urine on oneself, and spreading malicious gossip among people

It was narrated that Ibn 'Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by two graves and said, "They are being punished, but they are not being punished for something that was difficult to avoid. One of them used to walk about spreading nameemah (malicious gossip) and the other used not to take care to avoid getting urine on himself." [Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
It was narrated from Ibn 'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Most of the torment of the grave is because of urine, so be careful to avoid it." [Narrated by al-Daaraqutni and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb]

Gheebah (backbiting)

Based on that, al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) included a chapter in Kitaab al-Janaa'iz (the Book of Funerals) called: "Punishment of the grave because of backbiting and urine." Then he narrated therein the hadeeth about the two graves quoted above, except that the version of al-Bukhaari does not mention backbiting, rather it speaks of nameemah (malicious gossip), but as was his wont, he referred to what was narrated in some versions of the hadeeth: "As for the other, he is being punished for backbiting." [Narrated by Ahmad; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa'l-Tarheeb]