Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala has said, "... Marry of the women that
please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to
deal justly, then only one..." [Quraan 4:3]. I have
looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the
part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you
have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you
may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total
disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you
effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is
Forgiving, Merciful." [Quraan 4:129]
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore
it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is
written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to
not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I
know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third
generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were
wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the
majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where
war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances -
like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.
However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the
history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable
ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to
certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with
polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the
Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs
proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their
religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were
trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people
even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for
centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the
faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the
West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only
accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then
statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then.
This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B
giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule.
Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry
two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only
one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule. Now, if this
is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule,
it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can
it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt
it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us.
We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We
need to listen to our scholars; so many of them have warned us to look
to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May
Allah prevent this from happening.
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..."
Allah forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an
utterance of shirk. For the one who made polygyny not only halal but
also recommended was Allah, Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his
Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by
definition. And to say it is unfair is to say that He, Subhana wa
Ta'ala, is unfair. May Allah guard our tongues from such blasphemy.
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West,
and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground.
Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many
women would remain husbandless if it were haram? Sisters, I beg you.
Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women
has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix
the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and
based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached
epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries,
your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as
temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah
forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow
sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an
adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our
sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for
practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah
guide us. Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second,
third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that
we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a
right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that
benefitted her. Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's
Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah? Where is our love
for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for
ourselves, namely family, love and happiness?
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah,
and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies
guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha and the other Mothers of
the Believers, may Allah have mercy on them, were jealous, but they did
not allow their jealousy to destroy their deen, and I challenge anyone
to show me an example where one of them, or one of the female
companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned
a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as
a part of the deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from
taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each
other. Sure, they even tried (until the prophet forbid it) to ask for
the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they
submitted to the Will of Allah. So why is it so hard for us? Why can we
not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western
woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take
another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural,
acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam. If you are stronger in
your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a
sister in need by marrying her. Imagine yourself a single mother, an
unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support.
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah forbid, it could be you
one day. Have mercy on these women. And if they marry your husband or
your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, ostracize them,
boycott them or harass them. They have done the best. They have married
rather that commit haram. They have followed the command of Allah in
marrying. They have completed their religion, and the one who objects to
it, even silently in her heart, has to reexamine her faith in Allah.
She has to accept this as Allah's religion and as the superior way,
because and -- only because -- Allah said that it is so.
May Allah guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah make us all
strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its
entirety, and may Allah give us the strength faith and support to fight
our desires. Ameen.
